Ben: Racer Guy

Every time Ben gets ready for BMX, Nathan declares "Ben is BMX racer guy!!!"... it is pretty cute! Lately, Ben and daddy have been spending a lot of time at BMX races together and Ben has been doing great! He has earned a 3rd, 2nd, and most recently, a 1st place trophy! I am so proud of him for working hard and always trying his best! Good work buddy!

Nathan James: Health Update

So the last time I updated you on little Nathan's progress was Thursday and I wish I could say that he made a full recovery but here I sit typing this listening to him cough and watching him lay quietly on the couch. So let me catch you up to speed on what's been happening.

Thursday night I put Nathan to bed around 7/7:30pm. Around 9ish he started have a cough fit that led to him throwing up. Around 11pm he did it again so when midnight rolled around and he was having another coughing fit to the point where he was dry heaving I packed him up and took him back to the ER (per the dr's orders). Once there, they gave him IV fluids, medication for the nausea, another antibiotic, another chest x-ray, bloodwork, and more breathing treatments. We got right in once we arrived but it wasn't until about 5am when they finally decided that he could come back home and wouldn't have to be admitted.

poor guy- the IV was bigger than his hand :(

catching a little nap snuggled up to mommy

Once home, we spent the rest of Friday day napping, trying to get Nathan to eat or drink something, and watching lots of shows/movies.

snuggled in bed resting

the sick face breaks my heart

he sat like this most of the time- too sweet

Daddy even stopped by to snuggle Nathan for a little bit (and catch a nap) :)

And then on Friday around 4pm, there was a knock on my door and when I opened it there was a pizza delivery man there with dinner for me from my sweet friend Kelly! She had called and had dinner delivered for us and it was delicious! I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and family that helped us throughout the week!

Saturday, Nathan woke up and declared "I'm not sick anymore mommy" which made me smile, but we still took it easy for the remainder of the weekend. He did soak up some sun and splash his toes in the pool on Sunday (as seen in the previous post) but for the most part we just hung out around the house trying to let him rest and heal.

Here it is Wednesday and he still has a mighty cough and gets tired very easily but each day he seems to be perking up a little more and getting back to his old self- which can't happen soon enough. Now, to just keep Ben and me healthy, that's the next challenge!

It's Miller Time

This past weekend was a blast because all of our family, including the Millers were in town to visit and anytime we get to hang out with the Millers is a blast!!!! Ben and Nathan love to play with their cousins and Kirsten is the big sister I never had and we always love to hang out! Thankfully the weather was gorgeous so we spent the weekend eating, swimming, hanging out and doing more eating LOL! It was a great time and we can't wait to hang out again soon.

Nathan was finally feeling well enough to catch some rays and enjoy sitting by the pool

my little fishy- he LOVES the water!

he found this silly hat and just had to wear it. What a goof!

Ben and Papa

Nathan and Papa

Cousin Zeke

Cousin Emmy

love these little feet

skinny little boy!

Ben and Cousin Brian

too silly but so cute!

Great Reminder

This morning as I was driving around I heard a song on the radio that caught my attention. The song is by a group called Kutless and it is called "I'm Still Yours". The song on a whole was great but there was one verse that particularly caught my attention and it said this:

"When my life is not what I expected 
The plans I made have failed 
When there's nothing left to steal me away 
Will You be enough for me? 
Will my broken heart still sing? 

If I lost it all 
Would my hands stay lifted 
To the God who gives 
And takes away 

What a great reminder this was to me about where my focus should be and the direction of my heart. The family, dreams, jobs, etc that I have /had are all gifts from God. Lately I have been feeling heart broken about the loss of my dream family unit. The loss of growing old with my husband, watching our boys grow up together and being able to share those moments. I have been grieving the loss of family vacations, the loss of a supporter and friend by my side as I walk through life, etc. The plans that I had envisioned for my family in the years to come have failed. And for works, months, and even years, I have been wondering why God would allow all this happen.And while I still don't have the all the answers, when I heard this song I understood one piece of the puzzle. And that was this: I need to know in my heart and in my head that no matter what happens I am His and He is enough for me and more importantly his plans far surpass any plans I can dream up.

So through this new chapter in my life, I just need to remember the verse in this song and keep my eyes on Him and my hope in Him- he never falters and will never change His love for me. When I feel alone, exhausted, tired, or brokenhearted . . . HE IS ENOUGH!

When It Rains It Pours

They say when it rains it pours and that pretty much sums up my past 24hrs perfectly. Last night I put Nathan down to sleep in my bed around 7:30pm and set the timer on my phone to go off every 15 minutes. Throughout the night I read, played around on the internet, worked on a paper, and just spent time snuggling my little guy and every 15 minutes the timer would go off to remind me to give him 1 tsp of Gatorade. Sometimes he would keep sleeping and just swallow it, sometimes he would get angry and spit it out but time after time I just kept trying because it was important that he got those liquids. Needless to say, this mama didn't sleep a wink last night but in the end it didn't matter because that is what mommies do- we give even when we have nothing left to give because these little people are our most precious things on this earth.

This morning my mom came over to watch him while I went to my counselor appt and Ben's counselor appt and while we were gone Nathan slept the day away. He woke up around 10:15am, had some juice, threw up that juice, took a luke-warm bath, and then proceeded to fall back asleep.

Around 12:15pm I got back home from my appts but when I got out of my car I heard a weird hissing noise and what do I see... my tire deflating in front of my eyes. ARGH!!! So I call my dad and he rushed over and helped me. (A MILLION THANKS DAD- I LOVE YOU!) In the meantime though, while my dad fixed my tire, I took my mom to work and then she let me borrow her car because Nathan had another appt in TOaks at 1:45pm.

When we got to Nathan's appt they decided that he needed to repeat his chest x-rays stat because she was having a hard time hearing breath sounds in the lower lobes of his lungs. So off we went to the radiologist and don't you know that the second we walked in, the power went out. Just my luck! So we then had to head to the outpatient radiology at the hopsital but in order for them to take the x-ray we had to sit in admitting and get insurance papers done. Then we went back to radiology and got the x-ray. We were the only ones there so I was thinking "well at least this will be quick" . . . NOT!!! We waited close to 2 hrs just for the x-ray to be READ! I thought I was gonna punch somebody out waiting because Nathan was miserable and his fever was climbing as we sat there. Finally though the x-ray got read and there is a spot on his right lung in the middle of the lobe that is full/blocked with fluid which is preventing him from getting the O2 that he needs. The dr gave me the choice to admit him so they could monitor his breathing, his heart rate and give him some IV fluids or take him home but I chose to take him home and let him rest, agreeing that if he needed to go back I would take him immediately.

So here we go for night #3 snuggled up with my little guy in bed, with no sleep for mommy but again- he is worth it! I just want him to get better and be his happy little talkative self again. Thank you for all the prayers, please keep them coming!

driving to the dr appt- zoned out

sleeping the day away, snuggled with puppy

sleeping at the dr's office

sleeping at radiology.. .thank goodness for puppy elephant :)

Back to the Dr with Mr. Nathan

Yesterday when we left the ER they said to call and follow up with the pedi today, which was a no-brainer after waking up seeing Nathan still not any better this morning. He had a rough night and pretty much just wanted me to hold him all night. I kept the Tyl/Motr going around the clock last night but he still maintained a high fever and really rapid breathing. Then this morning, I woke him up at 7:30am and by 8:45am he was already back asleep and stayed asleep until I had to wake him up at 11:15am to go get Ben. When we got back home, he refused to eat or drink anything and kept asking for bed so at 12:15p I put him down for a nap and again woke him up at 3:15 to leave for the dr.

Our pedi appt was at 4pm and it was quickly determined that Mr Nathan is not doing any better. He got 2 more antibiotic shots (in his little buns) and another breathing treatment.They wanted to admit him but since I didn't have anywhere for Ben to stay tonight, they let us come home if I agreed to the following conditions (around the clock):

• Nathan has to get 1tsp of Gatorade via syringe every 15min (he refuses to eat or drink)
• Alternating Morton and Tylenol every 3 hrs
• breathing treatments every 4hrs
• no fevers over 103.5
• breaths per min not over 65
• .... If any of these things happen/change, they are admitting him to Los Robles

Needless to say, its gonna be a long night, with no sleep for this mama. But thankfully I have amazing friends and family that have been super sweet and supportive. Prayers that Nathan starts to heal and that the meds work quickly, prayers for me to be able to give Nathan whatever he needs when he needs it, including all the love and snuggles that he needs to feel safe, loved, and not afraid. 

If we get through the night without needing to admit Nathan, he has another pedi appt tomorrow at 4pm- I will keep you updated.

this is where you could find Nathan all day, snuggled up holding tight to my shirt

the glassy blank look he had all day, not really interacting with anybody

snuggled up with mommy (and Puppy Elephant of course) at the pedi appt

super angry about the breathing treatment and red from high fever

Sometimes this is the best medicine for a tuckered out mommy! Don't judge haha! 

My Poor Sweet Little Baby

Last night Nathan coughed throughout the night but I just chalked it up to the warm dry weather and let him keep sleeping. This morning after he got up and started moving he seemed to be doing a little better so we dropped Ben off at school and then went to the middle school where I use to teach and visited for a little bit. While we were there he wasn't being his normal talkative self but I just assumed he was tired and ready for a nap. As we began to drive home though I noticed he was really spacey and glassy eyed and that he was not talking or singing like he ALWAYS does in the car. Once we picked Ben up from school though at 11:30am I really started to notice that he was breathing funny and not acting like himself at all. At this point he felt a little warm so I gave him some Tylenol but still wasn't too worried . . . that was until we sat down for lunch with a friend, then I started to worry. My mommy instinct kicked in and I knew right away that this was going nowhere fast.
As I sat there snuggling him, I could feel him struggling to breath, gurgling at the end of each breath, and I could feel him getting hotter and hotter. So I called the pedi and within seconds of hearing him breathe and cough over the phone, they said to get him into the ER right away. So I dropped Ben off, grabbed a paci, Nathan's favorite stuffed animal and blanket and headed to the ER. When we got there the place was packed but after taking Nathan's temp and vitals they gave him some more Motrin and took us right back in. The dr came over pretty quick and checked him out. When we got there his fever was 103.7, his O2 sats were 94, his heart rate was 168, and he didn't respond to anybody teasing him or talking to him- he just stared right past them. So they took a chest x-ray, did a strep test and kept the Tylenol/Mortin flowing. Finally, while we waited for the results he also got a breathing treatment. Soon the dr came back and said that there was some cloudiness in his lungs and that he has pneumonia. So they gave him a shot of antibiotics and said we could go home as soon as his fever was down below 102 and his heart rate came back down. Thankfully, after a little while, his fever was 101.7, his heart rate was 126 and his O2 sats were up to 97- so we were allowed to go home.

This little boy scared me half to death this afternoon- it is horrible as a parent to see your child feeling so sick and miserable and knowing that there is nothing you can do to fix it. It was miserable trying to hold Nathan down while they took his temp over and over again rectally, I'm not sure who cried more: mommy or Nathan. (They had to keep taking it rectally because at one point he started to have "febrile twitches" which I guess are right before a febrile seizure and they wanted the most accurate temp reading possible). Throughout it all, I just kept snuggling him, giving him gentle tickles and rubbing his back and for the most part he just laid there and slept. But occasionally, he would open his eyes as if to make sure I was still there and then grab my finger as if to make sure I wasn't going anywhere. My heart (already in an emotional state) was just breaking for my sweet little boy.

Thankfully, he is now back home resting in my bed. I am trying to offer him all the cold soft foods I can find in my fridge and he is watching a movie while snuggling up with his favorite stuffed animal. He is still really clingy and not his normal self but he is WAY better than he was this afternoon and for that I am thankful. The dr said to keep the fever down and keep him quiet (not active) and I should notice a huge difference in the morning. Thank you for those of you that prayed for him while we were in the ER and please continue to keep him in your prayers as he heals.

in the car this morning getting Ben from school at 11:30am

at lunch at noon just 30 min later

in the car on the way to the ER- Thank you Lord for no speeding tickets

in the triage room

in our room in the ER

my poor sweet little boy

kept holding mommy's finger

finally awake and ready to go home but still not his happy self